Being a DJ in Appalachia is interesting, to say the least. Especially here in WV, we can range from party animal to sleepy kittens. I've played music for weddings where the couple wanted Country music, and others where the latest Hip-Hop and Pop were the order of the day. Still others wanted Classic Rock or Alternative Rock. Regardless what the original request, though "Cupid Shuffle" and "Electric Slide" are always requested, along with the number one song request of all time, "Play something I can dance to!" I think I'll write a song and name it that...and play it when they request it.
I do karaoke, too! Karaoke singers can be very good...or not. The selections they come up with are surprising sometimes, too. One Bride, in her beautiful white wedding gown, requested to sing Iron Maiden's "The Trooper". Quite often someone will request a karaoke song and stand there without a clue how to sing it. They just wanted to hear the song, so they stand there with the mic in hand. Fortunately, my karaoke tunes come with lead vocals I can punch in under those circumstances.
A wedding reception without alcohol, and a wedding reception with alcahol are two completely different affairs. That's all I'll say about that, since most of you are probably well aware of that fact.
"Getting there is half the fun," they say. In the case of many of the places I've worked, getting there can be at least half the day! Today I was DJ and Emcee at a wedding in Grantsville, WV. There is no easy way to get to Grantsville. Winding, two-lane roads are your choices no matter from which direction you approach it. The town is in a beautiful spot, though. West Virginia is nothing if not scenic.
Speaking of country roads in Appalachia, we have signs that tell us where the curves are. They are especially useful at night. For those of you not familiar with our roads, they are not straight. If you see a big, yellow sign ahead with an arrow pointing straight to the right or left, be ready...it's a curve. And it's a big curve! Slow down and be ready to turn in the direction of the arrow. There are also some smaller yellow signs with arrows. Some of them have a curved arrow, starting out straight ahead, then the curve in the line. That means the curve is up a bit ahead of you, but not far. That's followed by the big arrow pointing right or left. Now, if you see an arrow that looks like a snake, bending back and forth, it's a really curvy road ahead. If you see it in time, slow down. There's usually a number under it telling you what speed is safe traverse the area. If you don't see it in time, and you enter the area too fast, just jerk your steering wheel back and forth hard like the sign showed you...try to remember whether it went into a right turn or left turn first. Then hope you get the timing right. There is another way. you can keep going straight ahead if no cars are coming the other way. The road just turns right and left under you. That can actually work pretty well if you can see far enough ahead in the curves. It's called "straightening" the road.
Usually, the number under the arrow sign is a little slower than you really have to go. If it says 30 mph, you can probably take the curve at about 40, if you're a good driver. But if you see a sign that looks like a horseshoe and it has a number 10 under it, take it seriously! That's a KYA curve, or kiss your...aft section. People have been known to see themselves in their rear view mirror going the other way in those curves. But really, if it says 10 mph in one of that kind of curves, maybe 5 mph would be better.
I heard a story once of a bunch of kids who took one of the straight arrow signs down and put it up facing the other way. The curve went left, but the sign pointed to the right. Fortunately, they weren't so evil that they sent traffic over an embankment to their deaths, or into a stone wall. Those who went off the road ended up in a farmer's field. Now, in most places, police would be called, an investigation would ensue, and arrests would be made. In many parts of rural Appalachia, the drivers would get out, see another car they recognized and say, "Hey, Fred! How's it going? The kids got you, too, huh?"
Fred would answer, "Yup." Then the two would talk for an hour or so. If more than two or three ended up in the field, someone would start a fire and they'd make a party of it...perhaps with some moonshine from a trunk in the crowd. Either way, they'd discuss cars, sports, hunting, fishing, and their better halves, and how much trouble they were going to be in when they did go home. The owner of the field would probably come out and join them. At some point they'd probably fix the sign. Getting too crowded in the field.
Anyway, the wedding reception went well. The bride and groom rode away on the back of a fire truck, siren and lights going, and everyone waving. I made it home okay, too. Took all the curves just fine and hit the Interstate where I heard the bap bap bap of the poorly constructed highway all the way home.
